Among the Phony Brave at Arkansas Post

In the aftermath of the Federal victory at Arkansas Post in January 1863, First Lieutenant Daniel Webster of the 1st Wisconsin Battery sarcastically shared the antics of the phony brave "beats" among his comrades. 

    "A great many men lost their legs at the first fire or what is just the same thing (the use of them), but singularly and strangely enough regained them again as soon as the firing had ceased and were the first men among the Rebels after they had surrendered," he noted. "But you should hear them talk of their feats and exploits. Some of them amused themselves by dexterously extracting the fuse from the Rebel shells as they passed by which prevented their exploding; others would stop them with a handspike as if playing at ball. Others held up quarter sections of hard bread to stop the enemy’s bullets and one more expert than the balance (there is always one smart one in every crowd) would catch bullets in his mouth and when it was full, would spit them back again with disastrous effect on the enemy. Another man feeling something irritating in his eye examined it and found four Rebel buckshot and a piece of ramrod which, being extracted, he returned to his duty. I don’t expect you will believe all of this because you didn’t see it, but then what do you folks at home know about war?" 

    Lieutenant Webster regularly wrote letters pithy letters like these to the Elyria Independent Democrat in Ohio all throughout the war, this particular letter being featured in the February 11, 1863 edition. 

The rheumatic dodger and the phony brave were both manifestations of the "beats" of the army as described by John Billings. "There were all grades of beats," he wrote. "The original idea was that of a lazy man or a shirk who would be hook or crook get rid of all military or fatigue duty that he could." It was a common observation by veterans of both armies that the men who talked loudest about being eager to get into a fight usually found the quickest ways to get out of it once the bullets started flying. 


Arkansas Post, Arkansas

January 14, 1863

          Well, we’ve given the Rebels another touch of Yankee thunder, or in the words of that other man, “we came, we saw, we conquered.” They did not skedaddle because they had no place to skedaddle to and if they had been this favored, we would not have let them do it.

          This is said to be the place never found by the Arkansas Traveler although he searched and inquired diligently for the same. It required considerable skill and thorough knowledge of navigation to find it as it was necessary to ascend the Arkansas River which is so crooked that a bird can’t fly across it, and it requires a boat with a hinge in the middle to make those bends safely. But by dint of perseverance, the aid of distilled bad corn, and the advice of the chambermaid, we made a safe passage and arrived at or as near this part as we considered it safe to approach. Then we disembarked and prepared to go up and “see ‘em” at their own place.

          They were expecting us and gave us a warm reception which we cordially returned. Our boys took it pretty cool- some of them very cool- one in particular I noticed lying behind a tree and trembling as if with an ague chill. Some persons were malicious enough to say he shook with fear, but it could not be the case for I heard the man talk frequently and he always talked very bravely, wanted to fight, and was in fact “spoiling for a night.” He was disposed to curse everybody connected with the War Department because would not him go in and whip out the whole Southern Confederacy. No, no, he was afraid, merely cool. I though it was one of the “coolest” acts I saw performed that day…

          About the most philosophical person I saw was Phil Welch, a character of Irish composition who was from Elyria formerly and whose parents now live just north of the village. He took a position behind a large tree and said, “Now tree, do your duty, Philip’s behind you, and will back you through all your troubles.” But when the Rebel shells started flying, Phil forgot his promise to the tree and pitched in to thrash the Rebels with a hearty good will.

          A great many men lost their legs at the first fire or what is just the same thing (the use of them), but singularly and strangely enough regained them again as soon as the firing had ceased and were the first men among the Rebels after they had surrendered. But you should hear them talk of their feats and exploits. Some of them amused themselves by dexterously extracting the fuse from the Rebel shells as they passed by which prevented their exploding; others would stop them with a handspike as if playing at ball.

Captain Daniel Webster (1833-1921)
1st Wisconsin Battery
Chief of Artillery, Dept of the Gulf

Others held up quarter sections of hard bread to stop the enemy’s bullets and one more expert than the balance (there is always one smart one in every crowd) would catch bullets in his mouth and when it was full, would spit them back again with disastrous effect on the enemy. Another man feeling something irritating in his eye examined it and found four Rebel buckshot and a piece of ramrod which, being extracted, he returned to his duty. I don’t expect you will believe all of this because you didn’t see it, but then what do you folks at home know about war?

As for myself, I narrowly escaped being shot and only for my extraordinary good luck I presume I should have been. After the action, I found my vest pockets filled with musket balls, pantaloons pockets with canister, boots with grape, coat pockets with six-pound shot, and fourteen bayonets inside my vest, also one 128-lb shell in my hat and two 64-lb shells in the seat of my britches, but I presume you won’t believe this either, but I’ll refer you to the colonel for proof…

After several hours’ fighting, the enemy seized the cook’s petticoat, inverted it, and ran it up at half mast on a handspike as a signal of distress, and to signify that they wished to throw themselves upon the tender mercies of the merciless invaders of their sacred soil and to share their hard bread, bacon, coffee, and sympathies. Their big guns had been disabled, their fortifications battered down, and they had nothing else to do but “gin in,” for let them run which way they would they were sure to find fixed bayonets and also fixed determinations. Many of the Rebels were severely killed, some were found choaked with 20-lb Parrott shells sticking in their throats. Their big guns had, their bottoms knocked out, and the smaller guns were broken up.

We are now having quite a winter, there being about four inches of snow on the ground. We propose going to Vicksburg again where it’s pretty warm, or at least we found it so when we were there. The 42nd Ohio is now all on board the steamboat Empress as I am. Colonel Lionel Sheldon with his brigade is out in the mud. The colonel is a little under the weather but will be on hand to hunt up the next fork of the road in Arkansas.

         

Source:

Letter from First Lieutenant Daniel Webster, 1st Wisconsin Light Artillery Battery, Elyria Independent Democrat (Ohio), February 11, 1863, pg. 1

 

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